Used my smarts and stepped outside my comfort zone. I went with “Plan B” for my visit to the Vatican. All the locals said my bike would be at risk if I were to park it and lock it while touring Rome, so I jumped on a tour bus that dropped me a block from my destination.

There’s an outfit called “Vatican No Line” tours. I went for it because it came with a docent, and how can you beat not having to wait in line? Being a “religious” tour, who would believe they’d lie, right? Well, they did. We had to wait in line with everybody else.  Once inside, I found I could have even rented my own little radio tour. Consider this a free tip for all those planning to knock Italy off your bucket list.

On the plus side, the guide, Alexandra, was wizard smart and funny. “Now, if you lose the headset it’s a $1000 fine from the Vatican,” she said. “Just kidding, it’s not, but don’t walk away with it because we will find you.”

The tour was an extensive two hours of history, art and more history. The sculptures were detailed, gorgeous and, to my surprise, they were fake – like the trophy antlers at Cabela’s.

“It’s not like these sculptures were found by Indiana  Jones,” Alexandra said, “The originals were done in bronze and a lot of these are copies, many sculpted by Greek prisoners.”

Alexandra’s stories and attention to detail were amazing, like the time the pope climbed up the scaffolding to get a better look at Michelangelo’s work and then he did nothing but rag on him. Others who were critical? Michelangelo got even by putting their likeness  on paintings of scoundrels.

The fabulous sculptures showed full motion and an artist’s eye for detailing every muscle. The paintings and mosaics were graphic and Alexandra showed off her extensive art education. “The colors are the feast of the redemption of man – and this painting with the light and the moon, the bigger lump is the light,” she said.

We followed like ducks, with our fluorescent green transistors and our ear plugs, snapping photos while we’re walking, and snapping more photos. Every other docent led with a rag or flag tied to stick. Alexandra held a water bottle over her head.

Our exclusive tour ended, we turned in our radios, and then it was on to the Basilica.

“No shorts,” said the guard, which was kind of  ‘judgy’ because others had shorts. “No knees,” he  said.  Alexandra warned me this could happen, so I managed to pinch a garbage bag and I returned with that in a trendy Hefty-style wrap around. “No plastic,” said the guard, biting off the end of each word. It kinda sounded like he just made that up. I asked him for help and he sent me to the gift shop run by the nuns where I picked up this cute little number 3 Euro.  Plus, the ‘sistahs’ had the best price on the postcards, so I loaded up.

One of the nuns had to tie the scarf around me and cinch it with a scout knot. I fluffed the scarf  bit as I walked past the guard – he didn’t even make eye contact, but I knew that he knew I was there.

The whole Basilica looked crazy familiar, just like I’ve seen on TV. I went to Mass, had my cross blessed and talked to Rev. Kevin near the confessional. He was from Ireland and had a very O’Irish way about him,

“You had to be selected for this job,” he said, “I didn’t even know my hat was in the ring.

At Mass, the priests wore fiery bright red robes. There was a mix of Latin and Italian, and I understood very little. The priests basically said the entire Mass while facing the altar.

Getting an early start today in Rome.  I’ve checked out a coach bus tour with ‘no wait’ line pass for the Vatican and museums, and its €29.  I’ll venture it on my own today with my bike just to gauge distance. I’m also exercising extra safety precautions as I lock my bike to go indoors on a tour. 

I’m leaving all my gear at the cute campsite. It’s a busy place with well over 1,000 guests.  I’m right by the pool and the bathrooms.  I visited the restaurant to write post cards last night. 

You know you’re getting close to Rome when a nun in full habit passes you on her motor scooter.

Logged about 65 miles today in heavy traffic. Imagine pedaling on I-94 during rush-hour traffic. Yes, it was legal; the only way to get there without hopping the train and scared the “buhjesus” outta me, but I made it.

During a quick lunch break at a corner cafe along the highway, a team of Italian bikers riding cross country took great interest in my tour and…. lifting my bike. “Oofda!” they said, taking turns and then posing for pictures.

My mapping angel, Valerio. He’s 32, born in Rome, and pedaled me to the campsite as I was muddled and running out of steam.

Tomorrow — ROME!

Stopping at a roadside bar with Jens for a lunch break. He is taking me out of my element and I’m trying new things. About 40 kilometers to Rome. Right now terrain is farm fields with big rolls of hay.

Another day at the office. Headed to Rome; about 80 kilometers to go. Hoping to stay on the coast. Brilliant sun and warm temps near 80.

A look at my apartment on the coast south of Tarquinia. I’m under a canopy of pine trees. They have tall trunks and the pine needles start about 50 feet up.  The pine cones are the size of softballs; so far, my tent has only been hit twice. The sunlight in the photo is the sea. Rome is 82 kilometers to the south. I’m going to stay here for the day and explore the ancient town which was built before the Romans.

I am not alone in my challenges with mapping in Italy.

Jans

Ran into an exasperated biker named Jans. He hails from Denmark and has been on the road for six weeks. Today he could not make his way from Grosseyo to Rome. “I’ve spent two hours going nowhere,” said Jans as we stood on the side of a busy highway.

I believed him.

The roads in Italy are somewhat marked, but what it says on the map is not what a depiction of reality. I pedaled with Jans to the train station. We were headed in the same direction and I wasn’t about to retrace his mistake. There’s a bit of comfort in 2’s. Jans, 63, is married, speaks perfect English and is headed to Rome. A retired teacher, he will be meeting his wife in Rome this weekend.

In the meantime, we explored historic Tarquinia together, found a seafront campsite, and enjoyed a cozy grocery store dinner of cheese, tomatoes, baguette and tuna….and a celebratory beer for getting through the day.

Running a little late this morning.

Tried to go to morning Mass at the cathedral by the Leaning Tower of Pisa and security gave me grief about my bike. I’ve already had a water bottle pinched while I was at the grocery store. Security at church gave me Italian grief right out the door.

On a good note, I got a close look at the church keys for the cathedral. They were very heavy; nothing you could attach to a clip on your belt because they’d pull your pants right off.

AMEN.

Off to work today; leaving Pisa.

Stayed at a very nice campground, and that’s code for “they had toilet paper.”

As I was packing, two little blonde-haired boys walking through camp on a hunting expedition with their butterfly nets. The older one with the blue net was a more serious study. The younger one with an orange net dawdled. Older brother would bark and the little one would run to catch up. He then used the pole end to prod his brother in the back of the knee.

Free entertainment as I readied to go.

Taking route SS1 to Livorno and then on to Rome.  The route is referred to as Aurelia south. For some reason I say it ‘arugula’ – like the vegetable. Happy someone wrote it down for me, and now I just point to the note.